Saturday, June 12, 2010

Wer Went ter Blaydon Races....

Wednesday 9 June 2010 - 7pm

Ootside Balmbra’s in The Cloth Market, aa siz ter Stew thut this yooster be a music haal way back when leyk. He juss sorta shrugged a bit and lucked up inter the rain cumin doon in eez face leyk. ‘Where does it start, round the corner?’ Not sure aa siz, must be hereaboots leyk. Thuz, leyk, lerdzer people stannin aboot trying ter gerroot the rain. Aa’m waitin for the music – ther aal sing ‘Blaydon Races’ before ther start leyk, burrin this rain? I divven knaa, mebbe ther’ll not bother the neet.

Aa gan roond the corner tryner gerroot the rain. Whey thuz hunnerds more heor. Lucker - Waalsend vests, Heaton vests, Blyth vests....thuz even sumbody from ower the watta, aal the way from Low Fell. That’s Gatesheed yer knaa. Taak aboot brave. He muster cum reet ower the bridge leyk! An therz a reet racket cummin from the cathedral an aal, bells aal the teym, can ther not shurrup? Aa cannit hear the singin man. Ah well. It’s nairly qwaata past sivven noo, aa berra gerrin among the crowd oot on the road. Meynd aa’m a bit squeshed burritz aalreet, it’s waamer in heor than oot theor.

Champion. The bells’ve stopped at last. Even berra, aa can heor sumbody shootin up aheed. Aah think it meyt be the Mair, burra cannit see owt. Ee’s ment to start the race by ringin Geordie Ridley’s original bell from 1862! Fat chance of me hearin that leyk! Der ther not knaa how much noise fower thoosand runners can maik when thah waitin on the start? Aye – fower thoosand, that’s worra said. The roads are clersed an aal. At least aa herp ser – aa’m stannin in the middle of the road on Mosley Street. If ther wern’t, aa’d luck leyk a pizza by noo. It’s a great occasion here in the Toon. Aal the lads an lasses theor, aal wi smiling faces....

Had on, was that Go? Aye it was man, werroff. Reet, let’s get gannin. Aa just gan canny at forst leyk, aa divvent wanna be knackad before wer even gerroot the toon. Wer gan runnin alang Collingwood Street, then wer gan past the central station –yer knaa, where yer get the train from – and keep gannin west through the stair rods and puddles.

Shortly wer gerron the Scotswood Road, gannin past the massive lang Vickers factry, that yooster be caaled Armstrong’s years ago. Yer probably knew that aalreddy but aa’m tryner educate yiz aal , yer knaa. The Scotty Road’s aal changed noo leyk. It wiz aal horrible terrissed hooziz an ootside netties when aa wiz a lad. Ther wiz lerds of bars an aal, one aa remember wiz caaled the ‘Hydraulic Crane’. Noo what lass wudden gan weak it the kneez if yer invited her oot for a swift half at the aad ‘Hydraulic’? Aye lad, teymziz not what ther was, notny more. Anyway, where was aa?

Aye, wa feytin wa way west through the rain, an aa’m runnin aalreet aa think. Some gadgie dances past me, an ee’s got them daft ‘Vibram Five Fingers’ shoes (well, aa yooz the term keynda loosely yer knaa) on is feet. ‘How man, waaron tarmac man yer daft ninny’. Ackshly aa divven’t shoot that, aa just thowt it, but...yer knaa, wer aal dee that divven wer? Yer think summick, but yer say summick tertally different, divvent deny it. Anyway, worreva, ee’s just run away from me leyk, an aa’m gaanin as fastiz aa can! Knaaworrameenleyk?

Noo, here wer gan. Wer gannin owa the Tyne noo. On the Scotswood Bridge. It’s still rainin, aa can tell yer that lad. Noo ther’s a kind of owtenback loop on the otha seyd, so that’s a bit daft but so what, aa’m enjoyin mesel here. Noo wer gannin towards the gleamin metropolis caaled Blaydon. Aa’ve nivvor run this before leyk, so aa divven knaa where aa’m gannin. That’s how cum aa didden serroff in front yer knaa, cos aa wozzen queyt shoowa of the root. So aa’ve been hanging back a bit, leyk, keepin me powda dry (iz ther say). So aa think aa can see the finish noo, aa’l put the eftabornahs on an see what happens. Here ganz......

Yer bugger man, it’s fortha thun aa thort. Meynd yee, thiz a canny crowd oot considrin the inclement atmospheric conditions, as aa think ther say roond these exotic parts. Yer gan alang this road reet, torn left an doon inter a kinder carpark izzit? Aye, then yer turn left an dee a kinder loop, an then yer can see the finish gantry an ....

.....Gerrin. Aa’m finished. Still rainin an aal. Burra divvent care by noo, aa’m happy with me run an ah’ve got me race teeshort and guddybag. It’s a guddun an aal, ham an peasepuddin stotty cyek, watta, a bottle of beer...wey man, wot’s not ter leyk? An aa neely forgot, ther had black pudden, and tripe. Aye, tripe. Aa didden see anyone ackshly eat any, but ther had pickled unyuns an aal. Aaal gud healthy re-fuellin as ye’ll agree aa’m shoowa.

Anyway aa’m yem ageyn noo, as yer meyt guess. Burrit was great yer knaa? Aa luvved the atmosphere man, aall the way alang. Ther was music an aal, aboot three or fower live bands with propa gittars an drums an aal that. Singin in the rain, just for us runners.

A proper north-east event on a rainy neet in Joon. Felt more leyk October yer knaa, but what can yer dee? That’s reet – ther’s precisely nowt yer can dee aboot that. Another thort – yer nivvor knaa what’s roond the corna, so berra ter enjoy these things while yer can. That’s worraa say, anyhow.

Aa had a reet bonny neet. An aa bet you wudder to, if yer’d been theor. Next yeor, ladsanlasses?
Photo courtesy of AMcD at


Andy S said...

Brilliant to see your return to the blogosphere Alan, its inspiring me to get stuck in to some blogging too.....though its fair to say that I didn't understand a bloody word of this!

Andy S said...

Like I said its not all bad in the North East ya nah !,


Alan M said...

Yer reet leyk. Yer cudden dee much ter improve sum bits, leykser them bits doon at the cerst an that leyk Tynemooth. Burra wooden gan hoyin yerself roond ivrywhere in ya best ganzy withoot sum support team meynd, cos sum bitser a bit iffy, leyk mebbe Waaker or Langbenton. Gosforth an Jesmond, them's posher so yer'd be aalreet, merstly. Got ya jerb with the Toorist Berd yit then?